Towed You So (The Dance of Sharks)

Today was the day that reality smacked me in the jawbone and changed my perspective for now. My wife and I was in Downtown Silver Spring for an important transaction with a client when we realized we needed to make change so we dashed into the Rite Aid for a quick in and out. As we returned to our vehicle 3.5 minutes later all hell broke out. As we got closer to our car we saw the "Shark", sharp metal teeth salivating over the prey it was soon to snare. This shark was a 6,000 pound tow truck backing up to devour our vehicle a long with our pocket books. As we ran towards the carefully orchestrated confusion two other dudes yelled out to warn the "Shark" that we were approaching which caused him to back up faster slamming into our car and hoisting it up in victory. When we approached the "Shark" he stated the OBVIOUS, "Ya'll Aint Sposed To Park Here!". We pleaded with the "shark" until it decide to show mercy...Ha Ha I'm saying that to be facetious. We paid him $40 to lower our car 2 feet... A got dang DROP FEE!!! Are you serious? Then it hit me, everybody is looking for a come up and we go freely along with the flow. Change perspectives for a second. Gas prices go up $4 and we complain as we reach into our pockets and PAY. The information  is out there but as long as the chain is broken we are exposed and unprotected. So in nature we learn to adapt we learn to extract what is not necessary in order to survive. We desire not be exploited. Sure we illegally parked for 3.5 minutes-The tow truck driver is forced to aggressively scour the parking lots for the desperate- The economy is in the can and it just plain sucked to be me at that moment.

Lesson: If you expose yourself to outside forces expect to be exploited. If you can prevent exploitation expect be satisfied.

To Bump or Shake that is the Question?

Okay Okay Okay I have had it with the confusion and this awkward reach with hands clinched and then open, and then clinched again only to meet in a tangled handshake. For me it all started with the swine flu epidemic when people started to opt for the "bump" stating it helped prevent the transfer of germs. Okay I can kinda see that, not a problem. But gosh some folks didn't get the memo. I lean in with a bump they lean in with a shake, I switch to shake mode they condense their hand to a fist for the salutation. Then it just looks very awkward and takes all the feeling out of a what used to be such a simple gesture. You might be saying "Doc" you are crazy for this one but this is becoming an epidemic. A silent thief stealing our moment of confirmation. This may be more for my male readers as women are more of the hugging type so if you are a female please continue to read because you are guaranteed a laugh at this end of this one. Anyway so let's decide right now fellas what is it going to be? For me it's simple, the bump is for my boys or after hours. I can't see myself doing the bump with the Deputy Director at my job although it would definately be cool if he got it right and did the little explosion with his hand afterwards. The handshake is a classic and it helps you determine who you are dealing with in some ways. For example if the handshake is weak and limp either the person despises you, has carpal tunnel or is one of those english blokes that is so self absorbed that touching common folks his beneath him. Then there is the vice grip handshake which usually indicates low self esteem, too much Red Bull and Creatine, overcompisation for losing too many slap boxing confrontations as a kid or just a plain sadistic person who likes to see your eyes bulge out from unexpected torment. Finally there is the firm 2 second shake. It has an equal departure and let's you know hey I'm a nice guy, I respect you, I WILL pay you back that $10 I borrowed on time and without excuses, I wash my hands regurlarly, I pay my taxes on time and life is swell......LOL No but seriously get your handshake game plan together fellas let's unite under one united front. Okay? Let's shake on it.

Peace!
Doc

I Fought the Bald and the Bald won

Okay I'm going to lay it on the line when I say I'm not a natural bald dude but a dude that was forced into the bald club for men. It all started 4 years ago when my barber said, "Yea man I give you like a year and you are gonna have a bald spot right here". I can remember his pointer finger coldly circling the top of my head like a Sergeant in the war room circling the area of attack on a huge map of the free world. I was in denial of course until one day while at the mall trying on some shirts I stood in one of those 3 sided mirrors where you can see all angles and..... WTF! I was looking at a George Jefferson starter kit on the top of my dome! I felt like I had been going through life with my zipper down all this time. I had a nice shape up and well groomed haircut but on the top i was missing the full head of hair I was so used to having. But what the heck I accepted the cards I was dealt and said okay it's time to go bald MANUALLY. So I cut it off and actually was quite comfortable with the look. But then it made me notice so many other men who for whatever reason just couldn't let go. Some had the wavy or curly hair and probably got attached to the compliments of having "good" hair. Others were probably caught up in the corporate make up where being bald is seen as threating or too much like a skin head if you're Caucasian. This is B.S. I see the worst comb overs, hair implants and toupees on public transportation. I'ts like they feel as though 6 1/2 strands of hair can cover the void that used to house lush fields of filamentous biomaterial. I won't even lie I have had vivid dreams of having long hair and wake up like damn, it was all a dream LOL. We are a very swollen headed society and due that fact company's prey on our lack of self love. So that translates into more Rogain being pumped into the oceans due to our mass consumption of Minoxidil and other hair products. Now everyone may not agree and some may even wish that we lost armpit hair or that needless hair from our butt cracks before our hairlines recede and our bald spots proliferate but hey it's genetics. Live with or without it. If your going bald get Tupac on'm and shave it all off. Steve Harvey had to come out of the Hair Closet after years of wearing a perfectly formed top piece. This is just a thought off the top of my head, bald is the new ________.




Peace Out!
Doc