Ask A. Leon 2-22-10

Hello A.Leon,

I have a real big crush on my boyfriends sister. She is
so smart and she loves shopping and partying just as
much as I do. If you haven't guessed by now I am
bisexual woman and even though my boyfriend knows this
he would totally freak out if he knew that I longed for
his older sister. I'm 22, he's is 24,she's 27 and I just
totally wanna be with her but I don't want to hurt my
boyfriends feelings. We have been dating for 2 years and
our relationship has kind of hit a dry spell. He doesn't
like to shop but instead spends his money on video games
and his car. You know what he got me for Valentines Day?
I freakin NASCAR Snuggie and a Wii Fit! What is he
trying to say I'm Fat?! His sister sometimes catches me
stairing at her and smiles but I don't know how to
interpret that.I haven't felt this way inside before
about another woman and I don't know what to do.

A.Leon PLEASE HELP!

Sincerely,
Peaches



Greetings Peaches,

Wow what a fruity name. I did a little research before
responding to your email because I feel it is important
to undestand your human terms to better deconstruct your
delinmas. You are like the 2 headed asexual Nirvops in
the Red Sector who cannot choose between plus and minus
genders to reproduce so they eat their own heads in a
fit of indecision. You are in a tight spot Peaches
because you are engaging in a family affair for the lack
of better adjectives and that can be more harmful to
your emotional status if said sister is asked to choose
as you have obviously taken the liberty of doing thus
far. This Snuggie device must be a earthly sign of deep
affections because many earth males are bestowing such
gifts upon their mates in record preportions. I would
reccomend that you close one door before opening another
because if that second door is left open while the
coordinates of a Vectron worm hole are being injected
you could end up alone,in the dark,naked and shivering
with nothing but a proton bar and three qualots in the
fold of your @#$% because you no longer have a wallet
and your!!!.....Oh sorry I just had a terrible flash
back...One moment please....Okay so Please be careful of
what you wish and long for because when you get it, it
may not come with a return reciept, or return coodinates
for that matter.

Regards from Mars,

A.Leon