Ask A. Leon

Dear A.Leon,
My name is Billy and I read your blog religiously and I really like your honesty. I’m in a bit of a pickle so I decided to ask my favorite extra terrestrial how to handle it. Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and my girlfriend says that it doesn’t matter what I get her and she understands that money is tightwith the economy tanking and all. Last year I got her a Snuggie and a cheap bottle of perfume and to be quite honest I think she hated the perfume. But, she wears the hell out of that Snuggie and she looks sexy in it too. You gotta love a woman who cooks breakfast in a leopard print Snuggie, OMG. But this year I want to go to the next level but I only have a $40.00 budget. A. Leon what do you recommend I get her?



Greetings Billy,
Well ,well Billy you are in a peculiar predicament. I am not familiar with this thing you call a Snuggie but it sounds like a Ghamnipnip from the planet Zeflon and those things please my wife enormously. As for gift ideas you need to think in terms of longevity and what pleases her reproductive organs. I have done much research on the human species and what I have discovered Billy is that the female gender really loves shoes with the flesh of animal. This shoe has a sharp kickstand-like function on it’s bottom that I can only assume is for battling predatory animals in the wild. But with $40.00 american dollars, which is equal to 3 dojaja, not much in any galaxy! You might be screwed in the shoe department. So as a secondary train of thought I recommend a thoughtful card and good sexual intercourse with protection. I hope that you have been satisfied with my response so I leave you with this. It is the thought that counts not the calculator.

Regards from Mars,
A.Leon