To Bump or Shake that is the Question?

Okay Okay Okay I have had it with the confusion and this awkward reach with hands clinched and then open, and then clinched again only to meet in a tangled handshake. For me it all started with the swine flu epidemic when people started to opt for the "bump" stating it helped prevent the transfer of germs. Okay I can kinda see that, not a problem. But gosh some folks didn't get the memo. I lean in with a bump they lean in with a shake, I switch to shake mode they condense their hand to a fist for the salutation. Then it just looks very awkward and takes all the feeling out of a what used to be such a simple gesture. You might be saying "Doc" you are crazy for this one but this is becoming an epidemic. A silent thief stealing our moment of confirmation. This may be more for my male readers as women are more of the hugging type so if you are a female please continue to read because you are guaranteed a laugh at this end of this one. Anyway so let's decide right now fellas what is it going to be? For me it's simple, the bump is for my boys or after hours. I can't see myself doing the bump with the Deputy Director at my job although it would definately be cool if he got it right and did the little explosion with his hand afterwards. The handshake is a classic and it helps you determine who you are dealing with in some ways. For example if the handshake is weak and limp either the person despises you, has carpal tunnel or is one of those english blokes that is so self absorbed that touching common folks his beneath him. Then there is the vice grip handshake which usually indicates low self esteem, too much Red Bull and Creatine, overcompisation for losing too many slap boxing confrontations as a kid or just a plain sadistic person who likes to see your eyes bulge out from unexpected torment. Finally there is the firm 2 second shake. It has an equal departure and let's you know hey I'm a nice guy, I respect you, I WILL pay you back that $10 I borrowed on time and without excuses, I wash my hands regurlarly, I pay my taxes on time and life is swell......LOL No but seriously get your handshake game plan together fellas let's unite under one united front. Okay? Let's shake on it.

Peace!
Doc